3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
