Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
