I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
