I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
