her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
