My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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