She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
