Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
