her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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