haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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