I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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