The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I party with great urgency now.
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