yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
