I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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