You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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