the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
