I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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