Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
