i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I had to cum in my sink.
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