did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
