Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
