i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
