my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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