I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
