I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ladies don't puke and tell
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
