I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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