we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
