dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
