Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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