he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
