Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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