but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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