Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
