I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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