College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
