anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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