I'm going to jail i love you
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
third nipple confirmed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
