Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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