Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
