Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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