The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
