call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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