I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
