When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
