She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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