new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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