u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
