Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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