Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
