I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
