Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
